The step-by-step process for teaching compassion, and putting compassion at the center of care, is called C.A.R.E.Ô The acronym stands for Connect, Assess, Respond, and Evaluate and End. We will be applying each of the steps to ourselves, our staff, and our patients and their families. This is crucial for the method to work.
The “R” in C.A.R.E. stands for Respond. Many times when things happen to us, we react instead of taking the time to respond intentionally. When we react, we limit our responses to a knee-jerk reaction to what we see, hear, or experience. When someone says something to us that, for instance, makes us mad, it might feel fully justifiable to reply in kind. After all, they deserve it, right? If they want others be nice to them, they need to be nice to me. When I see an injustice, don’t I deserve to call that person out, and make sure that everyone knows how I feel?
“A very important part of the C.A.R.E. process, is that we apply it to ourselves first, then our staff, and finally to our patients and their families. Having self-compassion helps us respond to our own stress and anxiety with kindness and respect.”
Let’s start with ourselves. We have a nearly non-stop flow of stimulation in our day. From the time we wake up to the time we go to sleep, we’re bombarded with information, demands, goals, desires, feelings, and surprises. For some of us, the phone alarm might be what wakes us up, so it seems normal to check things out on the phone. From the first few moments, we might have stimulation that triggers our emotions.
We then react to those emotions, either wanting a positive feeling to stay or a desire to act on a negative emotion. Either way, we can find that those things are not healthy for us. We might spend the day salty and frowning because of something we’ve read on the news or what someone said on social media. Our co-workers might roll their eyes and wonder what’s bugging us this time! What we can do to turn that around and respond instead of react to our own feelings?
Part of learning to respond instead of react, is taking our first two steps to help. First, to Connect to ourselves. We might call this centering ourselves, or ground ourselves through mindfulness or prayer, or simply following the breath. Then check in with ourselves – what are we feeling? Can we name the emotion? Can we feel where that emotion lives – in the head, the heart, the belly? Is this a familiar feeling? Just doing that brings more space to the moment, giving ourselves a bit of distance between what we’re believing to be the cause and what’s happening with us.
Then we can give ourselves a chance to Assess the situation. This gives us yet more space, some breathing room, if you will. When we’re at that point, we have a moment to consider how we want to respond – to respond to our feelings instead of react, but also with respect. Sometimes when we feel really angry, we react pretty aggressively toward the other person or cause of our upset, but we can also be really aggressive and hard on ourselves. We might notice that we’re not treating ourselves with respect.
Knowing how to respond to ourselves is an important first step. Taking that to our next level of Responding to our co-workers. My guess is that you’re like me, your intention is to treat your staff and your co-corkers with respect. You may have strong feelings of wanting everyone at your facility to treat each other with civility, with respect. You may have had times that you were upset when others in the organization were uncivil with you or others, or when administration was disrespectful to the staff. But, take a moment to remember how you reacted to those situation – did you take a moment to respond, or did you react with complaining and negativity? Well, if you’re anything like me, you can remember lots of times that you might have reacted in a way that wasn’t in alignment with your values of integrity and respect. I know I’ve done that many times!
That space is really crucial when you are in a leadership role. It doesn’t mean turning a blind eye to bad behavior or other problems, but it does mean that it’s very important to treat all of your staff with respect and professionalism. Your message to correct problems will be ignored if the person feels they’re being mistreated – they miss the message because of the way it was delivered. On the other hand, modeling professionalism can have a ripple effect in the way staff treat each other and their patients.
Responding to our patients and their families with respect is such an important thing. We often have such frustrations with patients and their families. We’re busy and understaffed, perhaps, and it’s tough not to want to tell them that fetching their ice water is just not a priority right now. Or when doing patient education, we might be tempted to chastise them for their “poor lifestyle choices.” Aren’t we just giving them “tough love”? But are those ways of communicating with our patients respectful? Or are we deciding what’s best for them, instead of connecting with them as partners in their care?
Learning to respond with respect instead of being reactive in times of strong emotions and circumstances helps us, our staff, and especially our patients and their families.
The step-by-step process I call C.A.R.E.Ô will work with any facility, charting system, or care delivery model because it’s a shift in perspective, not a policy or procedure. I’m looking forward to introducing you to all of the steps. Keep reading, and you’ll see how all of this fits together. Let me know what you think in the comments below, and click the button to register for the continuing education portal. You can take some free courses to try things out.