A couple of years ago, our organization was going through a Medicare audit and I was tasked with coordinating the effort to copy charts, write supporting letters, and get everything sent on deadline. It was stressful to say the least, and I was getting frustrated feeling that some of the managers were not taking this important project seriously. I resented having to “nag” at them to meet the requests. During a meeting, I snapped at one of my co-workers and made her cry.
I felt terrible! I was embarrassed by my behavior which was definitely not in alignment with my values. The irony was that I had been on a weekend retreat just a couple of weeks before where the emphasis was on “You can’t pour from an empty cup,” and the importance of kindness. How could I be running on empty already?
I began thinking about, and even questioning the premise of that empty cup. With all of the care-giving responsibilities many of us have, giving from the time we wake up until we go to bed, yet we’re also asked to find time to go get the energy to fill that cup. What if we could design a life that had more of a flow of energy and less filling up to pour out back and forth?
To give kindness and compassion to our patients, our co-workers, our friends and family, and ourselves we must attend to our own wellbeing.
The acronym I came up to help with that was C.A.R.E. It helped remind me to look for that flow each day.
Connect – The most important part for me is to connect with myself. In healthcare, we’re lucky – we wash our hands often, so we have a built in 20 seconds to connect. When I can remember to stop worrying about my to-do list, I can instead feel the warm soapy water and get in touch with my body. I can take a mindful breath or two. Am I feeling tense? Do I have pain; am I thirsty; do I have to do to the bathroom? Am I relaxed and peaceful?
Assess – When I’ve connected with my body, I can more readily assess how I’m feeling. Am I on the edge of overwhelm? Do I need to ask for – or, maybe more accurately, accept help or care? Am I ready for an important or charged interaction with someone? Am I able to listen carefully, with presence, or do I need time to compose myself?
Respond – When I’m feeling reactive, like I was in my interaction with my co-worker, can I recognize that and shift my reaction to a response? My intention is to always respond with respect, so honoring taking a pause to be certain of that is important.
Evaluate – I have a friend who, when she makes a mistake, holds an imaginary sign up to her chest and says “Human!” We’re all human, and even with the best of intentions and the finest processes to follow, there will still be mistakes. Evaluating my day is important, not as a chance to beat myself up for those mistakes, but as a way to look at what went right, what was good and beautiful in my day, and to celebrate even a single mindful breath. While there was no excuse for my behavior, I’m grateful that my co-worker allowed me the chance to apologize and make amends. While my cup had been empty that day, I’m finding more days where the flow of giving and receiving has a more natural feeling; one that is more sustainable and nourishing.